Written by Tracy Brown
What do you do when the people closest to you seem to pick away at your happiness? (OR, who are these people? And why am I spending time with them? Oh yeah. They’re my family.)
It’s that time of year for many when the company starts rolling in – or doesn’t – but either way, we may begin to have more contact with those people who seem to know just what buttons to push, sometimes, without even really trying.
Who are these people? How can they so easily drive us batty – or worse, seem to sap our holiday cheer?
Family.
Ok, not ALL families fit the above criteria. However, even the most “perfect” familial relationships can dip and turn under the weight of mistletoe, baked ham, and myrrh. Occasionally there’s a little… drama. The holidays can kick up some general unhappy feelings for some people.
So how do you deal? Are you able to maintain your “self” in the hustle bustle and enjoy your family and gatherings? Or do you have a tough time and simply must “steel yourself” to get through?
Hopefully you enjoy the gatherings you attend and you are not faced with any negativity. But, if you do have a gathering or two that is a bit tough to endure, here are some suggestions. Hopefully you will be able to take away one or two ideas to help you better enjoy the holiday.
1. Do not be drawn into another’s drama. If someone isn’t getting along with another, do not get involved. Don’t gossip, don’t commiserate. If a negative conversation about a third party comes up, politely end it and move on to something more positive – or move on to chatting with another person altogether!
2. Let people do their own thing, and be free to do yours. If your dream Christmas morning is snuggling in on your couch until noon watching a movie, then do it. You can join the party later in the day. While it is important to “be there” for others, it’s also important to “be there” for yourself.
3. If you choose to attend a gathering that isn’t filled with your ideal group of people, plan a time limit. In other words, if you truly believe you must show up somewhere you would rather not, make a commitment to yourself to limit your attendance for a specific amount of time – and stick to it. Then, afterward, do something you absolutely love to do. By doing both you will limit your exposure to a negative situation and at the same time, have something enjoyable to look forward to afterward.
4. If you don’t want to, don’t host the holiday get-together. If you do not want to play host or innkeeper, then don’t. No guest wants to feel unwelcome or as if they are intruding.
5. If you consume alcohol, be smart about it. Outside of the obvious (such as NO drinking and driving), alcohol may not be the best thing to add to your holiday feast if you are attending a function with people who are not so high on your party list. In some cases, you may just want to skip the cocktail altogether. A loosened tongue, or poor judgment, can lower everyone’s holiday cheer.
6. And since we are talking about consumption… resist overeating. Even the most epicurean of us can over-indulge throughout the holiday season. Eat regular portions, or, just a small bite of each. Allow yourself a treat, but stay within your healthy limits. If you overdo it, it can add to your feeling of discomfort, and if you’re not at the happiest of gatherings to begin with, why add to it?
7. Spend within your budget. Maybe it’s too late for this year, but print this out and save it for the next. Much holiday stress is caused by spending beyond your wallet’s ability to pay. Even if you feel good about that expensive hot ticket item you gave to another, struggling to pay for it does not work to support you.
8. Develop your own traditions. If after 20 years you are ready to excuse yourself from Uncle Jerry’s afternoon family Christmas bash, then do it. (And if you have been “doing it” for 20 years, you are certainly old enough to make your own choices!) If instead you want to go ice-skating with your own family unit, or walking on a beach with a loved one, then do it. Then do it next year. And there you have it: Your own new tradition.
9. And finally, sometimes, it’s just better not to go. If attending a certain gathering is causing you too much stress in advance, and your own personal foundation isn’t ready to put a particular plan of refocus in action at the event, then do not go if you do not want to. Remember, it is YOUR choice where to spend your holiday time. You may choose to stay at home or go somewhere else. Choose in your best interest, and be glad for your choice.
Happy Holidays, everyone! May your gatherings and solitary times be peaceful, joyful, and full of happiness!
***
Tracy Brown is a writer living in Upstate New York. She lives with her love and life partner, Gordon, and two mischievous house cats. She’s currently working on her first paranormal mystery manuscript, Door to Door. Her vision? To be a successful, top-paid, NY Times bestselling author of a wildly-popular mystery series. Tracy plans to take readers on a magical journey of mystery and mayhem – with plenty of red herrings and laughter thrown in! You can visit her new blog at http://mstracybrown.blogspot.com and remember to “Like!” her at http://www.facebook.com/WriterTracyBrown.
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